Prepare to Die
by MortiferSB
Summary: Taylor Hebert and Jack Slash wake up in a cell...
1. Worst Roommate Ever

Taylor Hebert sat on the ground of the cell, glaring at her cellmate.

Jack Slash smiled at her, then returned to sharpening his knife.

This continued for some time, before Jack spoke.

"You know, this is getting a bit boring."

"Shut up."

Jack sighed, and went back to sharpening his knife.

This continued for another hour or so.

"So, bug girl, any idea's on how to get some food?"

Taylor kept glaring, and a few bugs came in from the hole in the roof.

"...Bugs? Why do I get the feeling that you're going to try and choke me with those?"

Taylor kept glaring.

"Aw, come on. Don't look at me like that."

"Shut up."

"What?"

"I said _shut up_." Growled Taylor.

"This is about the whole 'mass-murderer' thing, isn't it?"

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Hey now," Said Jack. We're both stuck in here. May as well help each other out."

"Help you?" Asked Taylor. "Why should I help you?"

"Because we have no idea where we are, you don't have enough bugs here to scout the place out for some reason, and I severely doubt you would be willing to, or capable of, walking out there without intel or backup. You need someone to watch your back. You need me, Skitter."

There was silence for a while.

"I hate you."

"All is right in the world. Now, let's try and get out of he-"

They were interrupted by a corpse being thrown through the hole in the roof.

Taylor and Jack looked at it for a second, before looking up.

An armoured figure stood at the hole, looking at them. They looked at each other for a while, before he walked off.

"What was that about?" Wondered Taylor outloud.

Jack didn't answer, already searching the body.

"I found the key." He said after a minute.

"Unlock the door, then." Ordered Taylor.

"You don't need to be so bossy." Responded Jack, as he did so.

When the door swung open, Jack turned to Taylor expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?" Questioned Taylor.

"Ladies first." He said.

"...No. You go."

"Why? Did you see something with what few bugs you have?"

"No, but you're a mass murderer, so your life is less valuable."

"I'm hurt." Said Jack, feigning an insulted expression. "After everything I've done for you- Nope, sorry, couldn't keep a straight face."

"Go." Growled Skitter. Jack sighed.

"Fine." He said, walking out. Taylor followed a second later.

"Oh look. Zombies. How fun."

"Shut up, Jack."

"I haven't listened to you the last dozen times, why would I listen now?" He asked, as the pinkish zombie's head rolled on the floor.

"Because I really feel like killing you right now. Go on, Jack. Give me an excuse."

"Are you always this grumpy in the mornings?"

"Only around mass murderers."

"You can't hold that against me."

"Watch me."

The two were so busy bickering, they barely noticed as they went up a ladder.

"-With a rubber duck."

"You wouldn't."

"Trust me, Jack. I would _love _to-"

"Hey, look. Food."

Taylor blinked, and looked.

A small bonfire burnt, with some meat cooking over it.

"Hungry?" Asked Jack.

Taylor sat down and checked the meat.

"Smells like pork." She noted.

"Give me some." Said Jack, stretching his hand.

The two took a bite in unison. Taylor chewed slowly, the taste unfamiliar.

After a while, Jack swallowed. "In case you're wondering," He began. "I'm fairly sure this is human flesh."

Taylor stopped chewing as her brain processed what Jack had said.

Then she spat it out, and began coughing heavily. Jack chuckled.

"Oh, ha ha ha." Said Taylor. "I'm leaving."

Taylor walked past the fire, and opened a large door on top of some stairs. The stairs shut a moment after she entered.

Jack took a bite of his meal. A very loud, very long list of swears began booming from the doors that Taylor had done through.

A few seconds later, Taylor appeared at the fire again.

Jack stopped eating.

"...Now, that's interesting."


	2. Murderhoboing

"So, how was death?" Asked Jack, carving up a zombie for more food.

Taylor blinked. "That's it." She said. "I died and went to hell."

"By the way, you look like shit."

Taylor blinked, and looked at her hands.

"I'm a zombie?"

Jack smiled.

"I'm going to have _so much fun_ with this." He declared.

Taylor glared at him, and Jack cleared his throat.

"Er... Sorry. How'd you die?"

"Giant monster thing sat on me."

After that, Jack found that he couldn't stop laughing.

* * *

Taylor smiled. "Karma, Jack."

Jack sighed. "Couldn't you have stopped me before I rolled into the fire?"

"Could've. Didn't."

Jack shrugged. "Fair."

Taylor stopped, and turned to him. "You're planning to kill me, aren't you?"

"...No?"

Taylor glared, and Jack decided that it would be wise to change the subject.

"So... The big monster thing behind that door? Let's go kill it."

"Alright then. You go first."

Jack walked towards the door, finishing of his piece of meat as he did so.

"Can't be too hard."

Jack walked into the door, and Taylor smiled.

"Three... Two... One..."

Jack popped up at the bonfire again.

"So, how'd it go?"

Jack reached down, and picked up something from the zombie he had been carving up.

"Forgot my knife."

Taylor smiled at that, and Jack cheerily strolled up to the big doors.

Moments after he entered, a huge thud came from the room, and Jack opened the doors again.

"It's dead! Come help me carry the loot!"

* * *

Taylor unlocked the door, while Jack picked up his new mace.

The two walked out, onto a cliff.

"Isn't that a bit big?" Asked Taylor, looking at the hammer.

"That's what your mother said last night." Replied Jack.

Jack found himself at the bonfire again moments later.

"Okay, maybe I should give her some time to cool down."

He looked around, and saw a balcony behind him.

"...How do I get up there, anyway?"

It took Jack a few hours before he considered re-entering the giant hall. Once he did so, it only took a few minutes to notice the doorway to the side, and find a new bonfire.

Unfortunately, the door behind him was sealed shut, so he was unable to go back and see if Taylor would hesitate to push him off of a cliff for long enough for him to pretend to beg for mercy.

Jack sat at the Bonfire for a moment, remembering how he kept coming back at the last one he sat at. As he did so, he noticed a small box sitting nearby.

Moments later, the lid was removed, and Jack was rifling through the contents.

"Huh. Bigger then it looks. Lessee... Food, that's useful... Armour, might come in handy... Gold coin, keeping that..."

Eventually, Jack came to a scroll. Quickly scanning it, Jack caught the words 'Dark bead' before getting bored.

Feeling hungry, he threw the scroll into the fire, and started roasting some sort of meat over it.

After eating a quick meal, he got up, and began exploring again.

"Huh. More zombies. Eh. Stab and loot."

It was a pattern that served him well. Stab the zombie with a bow and arrow, loot bow. Stab the zombie with a shield, loot the shield. Stab the zombie wearing some sort of fancy armour, loot weird flask of golden stuff.

It took Jack half an hour at most before he came to the weird door covered in fog.

"Huh... This should lead back to where I killed Fatty..."

Shrugging, Jack walked through, then jumped down onto the floor.

The floor promptly broke, and it was only Bonesaw's enchantments that let Jack live long enough for the explosion to rip him apart.

Sighing, he opened his eyes at the bonfire.

Fie minutes later, he was standing at where the fog used to be. Rather then going down into the hall again, he turned to the edge of the building and jumped off.

Taylor was sleeping on the grass, every insect in the area gathered near her.

Jack promptly kicked her awake, which resulted in all the insects flying at him. Taylor woke up and glared at him a few minutes later.

"Good morning." Said Jack. "Find a way out?"

"No." Replied Skitter.

"Well then, we better make ourselves comforta-"

At this point, the giant crow that was hiding below the cliff got bored of waiting for the two to approach it's nest, and grabbed them.

Jack and Taylor were being held in a talon each. Jack was being held by the torso, while Taylor dangled from her foot.

Jack spoke up. "So, how's the view?"


	3. United We Fall

"Welcome to Firelink Shrine." Said the man in armour.

Jack dusted off his bloodstained jacket, before turning to Taylor.

The girl was lying in a pile of mud, face down.

"Kill me." She muttered. Jack drew his knife.

"I didn't mean that literally." She said, just as Jack began stabbing down. The mass murderer sighed, and turned to the warrior.

"Hey, you." Asked Jack. "Where are we?"

"Lordran." Replied the man.

"That's useful." Said Jack, nodding. "Or, at least, it would be, if we had any idea what a Lordran is."

The warrior looked at them. "You know. Land of Ancient Lords? Home of Lord Gwyn? Location of the Bells of Awakening? Prophecy of the Undead?"

Jack blinked.

The warrior sighed. "Oh, you're one of those. I have nothing valuable, so stabbing me won't get you... What was the term... '$\/\/337 L007'."

Taylor stood up, and tilted her head. "How did you even say that?"

The warrior looked at her for a second. "...I have no idea."

Jack shrugged, sitting at the Bonfire. "Meh. Going to have a look around."

He marched off, and the warrior chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Asked Taylor.

"He's heading towards the Beginners Graveyard." Replied the warrior.

Jack reappeared at the Bonfire moments later.

"I choose to take that as a challenge." He declared, getting up and marching back to where he came from.

Taylor looked at the warrior.

"Uh... So, who are you?" She asked.

"My name isn't important. People just call me the Crestfallen Warrior."

Jack reappeared at the Bonfire, then marched off.

"So... Do you have any method of dimensional travel? Because I'm, like, 99% sure that having a way to travel dimensions could solve all my problems right now."

The Crestfallen Warror shrugged. "I remember something about soapstones, but I've never really paid attention to that kind of thing. Try talking to Solaire."

"Who?"

"Nutter in Undead Burg. Go up those stairs, fight through the Hollow, watch out for the Taurus Demon and Hellkite Dragon, you should find him staring at the sun in jealousy and awe."

Jack respawned again. He threw a spear sideways, at Taylor, then continued back to the Beginners graveyard.

"Can I leave him here?" Asked Taylor.

"No." Replied the Crestfallen Warrior. "I know his kind. Word of advice, never let him near Kaathe."

"Who?" Taylor asked again.

"Not important. Just don't go into New Londo with the Lordsvessel."

"Wha- You know what, nevermind."

"Good." Said the Crestfallen Warrior, lying down. "Now, I'm going to take a nap."

"Hold on." Interrupted Taylor. "Can you tell me why I'm a zombie now?"

The Crestfallen Warrior opened his eye slightly. "That's basic knowledge. If you don't know that, the you won't even make it to the Taurus Demon."

He closed his eye again, and fell asleep a moment later. Jack reappeared at the Bonfire, and began walking towards where he had died. Taylor poked him with the sharp end of her new spear.

"Ow." Jack muttered, as it went through his hand.

"Come on." She said. "The warrior said that there's someone who knows something about dimensional travel up the stairs behind me, and I'm not allowed to leave you here."

"You make it sound like you're my keeper."

"Someone has to keep you in line."

"And that someone is you? You're the only thing between me and a ruthless attack on everything in my way? My dear-"

"Don't call me dear."

"-You are about as sane and restrained as I am. If something gets in our way, chances are, I'm going to be the less brutal one."

"Yeah, I don't have time for your monologues."

"Tell yourself whatever you have to, if it makes you feel better. But the truth is, the reason you don't want to listen? You're one bad day from being a bigger monster then I am, and you know it."

Taylor went very quiet, then walked towards the stairs. "Come."

"Yes, my dear."

"Stop that!"

* * *

Jack and Taylor kept walking up the stairs, covered in blood.

"So, the warrior guy said these were called Hollows." Said Taylor.

"Huh." Replied Jack, sidestepping an arrow. Taylor's bugs quickly devoured the Hollow that had fired it.

"Lot more bugs around here." Noted Jack.

"So, what were you doing in the building back there that it took you hours to get out?"

"Found something." Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out his prize.

"...It's a box."

"It's bigger on the inside."

Taylor opened it, and looked inside. Jack stabbed a Hollow with a shield from a distance.

"What's this?" Asked Taylor pulling out a pinkish ring.

"Maybe it's magic." Said Jack. Taylor tried the ring on.

"Don't feel any different." She said. Jack sat down at the bonfire, while Taylor kept digging through the box.

She pulled out a few firebombs, and pocketed them. She also threw one at Jack. After the villain had resurrected from the Bonfire, plotting Taylor's fiery death, Taylor actually gave him one.

"You know." Said Jack. "I can't help but feel that we've missed something."

Taylor thought on that for a while, as the Hellkite Dragon stood behind them, waiting.

"It's probably nothing." She decided.

The two walked on, stabbing Hollow's, while the Hellkite Dragon followed.

Eventually, they came to a fog gate.

"Hey, you think the Taurus Demon is past here?" Asked Jack.

Taylor thought on that, as the Hellkite Dragon nodded violently.

Then, shrugging, she pushed Jack through the fog.

There was nothing.

Well, not nothing. There was some archers, but Jack took care of those with ease.

"All's clear!" Called Jack. Taylor followed through the fog, then began walking across the bridge.

The Hellkite Dragon lifted it's claws, and began making a motion similar to a human counting to down from three with their fingers.

After the Dragon hit one, the Taurus Demon fell down, crushing Taylor.

Jack blinked, then threw a Firebomb. The Hellkite Dragon breathed fire on it as he did so.

"Huh." Noted Jack. "Those are pretty strong."

Then he looked around, just as the Dragon flew overhead to eat the Taurus Demon corpse.

"...Shouldn't Taylor be back by now?" Jack asked to himself.

Then he realised.

"Oh, god damn it."

* * *

Taylor opened her eyes at the Bonfire.

In front of her was a giant door, identical to the one she had entered before being sat on by...

"Oh, god damn it."


	4. Gross Incandescence

"I'm back in the fucking prison area." Swore Taylor, looking at the doors. "Fuck my life."

Then she stood up and walked through the doors, back towards the giant crow's nest.

There were a few Hollow between her and there, but she managed to dispatch them with her shiny new spear.

Things were going well. So, naturally, she walked right over a trap.

The floor collapsed from under her, and she fell.

Miraculously, she survived the fall. Groaning, she got to her feet, slowly, and looked in front of her.

A perfect copy of the monster that had sat on her earlier was standing before her.

"You have got to be kidding me." She said.

* * *

"So, you're this 'Solaire' guy?" Asked Jack.

"That would be me, yes." Said the heavily-armoured man. Jack stopped himself from snickering at the picture of a sun on his chest.

"Did you wish to speak with me?" Asked Solaire.

"Uh, no." Said Jack. "Taylor did, and she's off at the last bonfire she used. She needs to ride a crow to get here."

"Is there not a bonfire nearby?" Asked Solaire.

"There is." Replied Jack. "She just didn't use it."

Solaire shook his head. "When will people learn?"

Jack shrugged, and there was silence.

Solaire returned to staring at the sun. "Oh, what a wonderful thing." He said.

"What is? Cancer? Yeah, Bonesaw weaponized it a while ago. Set things up so that it spreads to anyone who hits me, her or Crawler with a laser beam. You should have seen Legend's face when it happened while I was holding his husband hosta-"

"I meant the sun." Interrupted Solaire.

"Oh." Said Jack. "...Yeah, it's great, I guess."

"A wondrous body." Mused Solaire. "Like a magnificent father!"

Jack Slash took a step away from the nutter.

"If only I could be so grossly incandescent..."

Jack turned around. "I'll be going now." He said. "Be back... Whenever."

Jack promptly began walking back into Undead Burg. Solaire looked at the Hellkite Dragon.

"Do you think he'll meet the Black Knight?"

A few seconds later, Jack came running back from Undead Burg, towards Solaire.

"Talk later." he said, dropping his right arm and brain. "Run."

A second later, the Black Knight followed.

"Aha!" Declared Solaire, as the Black Knight threw a Hollow at Jack, knocking him through a building. "A challenge!"

* * *

Taylor glared at the Stray Demon.

The Stray Demon glared at Taylor.

They moved simultaneously, hoping to end this battle quickly.

The Stray Demon dropped it's huge fist onto the ground. Taylor held her hand out straight.

"Hah! Paper beats Rock!" She declared, moving to leave.

The demon glared, then moved it's club.

Taylor died another gruesome death as the magic explosion tore her apart.

* * *

The Black Knight laid dead at Solaire's feet, as Jack removed his skull from his stomach.

"A powerful foe." Noted Solaire. "But finally, the Undead Burg Black Knight is dead."

Jack stopped. "Wait. Are there more of these?"

"Of course!" Declared Solaire. "In fact, this one was wounded! Did you notice it's limp?"

"I was a bit preoccupied with it splattering my internal organs when it kicked my manhood."

Solaire winced in sympathy, as did the Hellktie Dragon.

The Black Knight stared glowing blue.

"Oh, they do that, that's right." Noted Solaire. "Better loot it fast."

"Now you're speaking my language." Said Jack.

The two of them managed to loot the Black Knight's sword, helmet and gloves, before the corpse disappeared in a flurry of blue particles.

"Dibs." Said Jack, putting on the helm.

"I have no objections." Said Solaire. "My current blade and armour are more then sufficient for me."

Jack paused. "Really? No haggling? No killing me for the valuable stuff?"

"Why would I do that?" Asked Solaire.

And thus did Jack decide to recruit Sunbro, so that he can have the best loot without having to kill things that would make Crawler squee like a little girl.

* * *

Taylor swore.

After dying another five times to a bunch of torch-wielding Hollow's, she had decided to return to her old cell, in order to find somewhere to sleep.

But then a nine foot tall man in black armour had decided to practice throwing lightening spears at her.

Worse yet, after a few hours of dodging it's shockingly accurate throws, she had arrived at her cell to find that the place had started leaking. Which meant to things.

First, she couldn't sleep on the wet floor.

Second, she slipped over and hit her head.

Oddly enough, there was also a peculiar doll in the cell, that certainly was not there before. Taylor picked it up as she ran from the Black Knight.

Eventually, she got a bit off... Unexpected help.

The Black Knight was about to hit her in the eye with a spear that seemed different to the others, as if it were made of sunlight, when it was hit on the back with a fireball.

It turned to face it's attacker, as lava dripper down it's armour.

"Just place the doll, they said." Muttered Xanthious King, Jeremiah. "The girl won't be back until she's strong enough, they said. I really feel like hitting Gywndolin right now."

* * *

"Let me get this straight." Said Jack. "I just need to offer ten of these shiny medals to this statue, and I get to throw lightening?"

"Well..." Began Solaire. "You need to have the faith to-"

"Can I borrow ten Sunlight Medals?" Asked Jack.

"Sure!" Said Solaire. "Anything for an ally."

Jack grinned as he offered the medals to the statue.

He then stood up, and made a throwing motion. Nothing happened.

Jack frowned. "By the power of Grayskull!" He declared, making another throwing motion. Again nothing happened.

Jack continued making throwing motions, making declarations as he did so.

"Link, start!"

"Raising Heart, set up!"

"This looks like a job for the Techno Queen!"

Nothing worked.

Jack turned to Solaire. "How do I shoot Lightening?"

Solaire didn't hear him. He was to busy contemplating the sun's Gross Incandescence.


	5. Git Gud

"Uh... Thanks?" Said Taylor, as Jeremiah ranted.

"-With a rusty fork up his a- Wait, you said something?"

"I said thanks." Repeated Taylor. "And I'd ask what you were talking about, but I don't think I want to know."

There was silence for a second.

"Also, what's with the hat?" She asked.

Jeremiah sighed, his ridiculous hat swaying in the wind. "It's... A long story."

"It looks like you're carrying a boulder on top of your head."

"I know."

"Why do you wear it?"

"It's stuck." Jeremiah moaned mournfully. "I can't get it off."

Despite laughing internally, Taylor managed to keep a façade of calm.

"So..." Began Jeremiah. "You came here before you were meant to... How about this. Since I'm here, I'll teach you some Pyromancy before I go."

"Pyromancy?" Asked Taylor.

"I'll teach you how to set things on fire with your mind." Replied Jeremiah.

Taylor grinned.

* * *

"Oh?" Questioned Solaire.

"Seriously man, how do I throw lightening?" Asked Jack. "How do you do it?"

Solaire tilted his head. "How... Do I... Throw lightening? Isn't that like asking how to breath?"

Jack resisted the urge to stab him. "How do I do it?" He asked, teeth gritted.

Solaire tiled his head in the other direction. "You... Throw lightening..."

"How?" Jack screamed.

"I just... Like this?"

Solaire made a throwing motion, and a nearby gargoyle statue was hit by his Lightening Spear.

Jack stared. "That doesn't help me at all." He said, as Solaire did his mandatory Praising of the Sun.

Once he had finished making the gesture, Solaire turned back to Jack. "Maybe you are simply too low on faith?"

"This isn't going to turn into an attempt to convert me to your religion, is it?"

Solaire shook his head. "No, I-"

And then they were interrupted by one of the gargoyle statues coming to life and hitting them with an axe.

* * *

Taylor stared at her hand.

"I'm on fire." She said, flatly.

"It's just a Pyromancy Flame." Explained Jeremiah. "You use it to use Pyromancies."

"What happened to setting things on fire with my mind?"

"Huh?"

"My hand isn't my mind."

"Never mind." Said Jeremiah, passing her a scroll. "Here, read this."

"...Fireball?"

"No, not here." Said Jeremiah. "At the Bonfire there. Reading the first sentence will Attune the magic, letting you cast it a few times. Resting at a bonfire will reset your casts."

"That seems like it could be easily abusable." Said Taylor.

"There's limits." Explained Jeremiah. "Each scroll can only be Attune once at a time, and you can only Attune so many things at a time."

Taylor shrugged, and sat at the Bonfire. Getting out the scroll, she began reading.

"Burn, baby, burn. Burn, baby, burn. Burn, baby, burn."

The flame on her hand flared, and Taylor stood up.

"So... Like this?" She said, throwing a fireball.

Jeremiah waited a moment, then looked up to confirm that, yes, she had indeed hit his hat.

* * *

Jack sighed.

"Solaire? Mind passing me my heart?"

"In a second." Groaned the warrior of Sunlight, as the gargoyle slammed him into the ground.

The Hellkite Dragon sighed, and then flew at the gargoyle, tackling it into a wall.

Solaire stood up, and picked up the blood-soaked shape in front of Jack.

"That's a rock." Said Jack.

Solaire looked on the ground, searching.

"There's nothing else here." He said.

"It's there." Said Jack. "It's just two sizes too small."

Jack picked up a pebble-sized thing on the ground, accidentally crushing it. Jack sighed.

"This is going... Poorly."

Then a second gargoyle came to life and set them on fire.

* * *

"Well..." Began Jeremiah, as his hat burnt.

"Don't say it." Taylor interrupted.

"At least things can't get any worse." He said.

"You said it." She moaned.

**Darkwraith ****B3773r7 |-|3|\| '/0U| \|00BZ Has Invaded.**

"Where did that voice come from?" Asked Taylor.

Jeremiah didn't answer, on accounts of being dead.

"Git Gud, Scrub." Said a Red Phantom, which then proceeded to start dual-wielding swords longer then Taylor was.

"He just had to say it." She sighed.

* * *

"Well, they're dead." Said Jack. "Now what?"

Solaire considered this for a while. "Why not Ring the Bells of Awakening? It would give you something to do while you wait for the return of your companion."

Jack blinked. "Bells of what now?"

"There's two bells." Explained Solaire. "One in Undead Parish, the other in Blighttown. That's all the information that people are given, usually. I think the Undead Parish Bell is on top of that church."

Jack thought on that. "I don't like the sound of this Blighttown place." He said.

"It's worse then it sounds."

"...Don't you mean 'Better?'"

"No."

There was silence for a while, before Jack shrugged. "Sure, why not? Everyone needs a hobby."

Little did Jack know that he had just agreed to go on a journey that would involve countless deaths, tears of frustration and a trip through Blighttown.

Well, he knew about that last part, but no-one ever expects Blighttown to be as bad as it is.

* * *

Taylor was running for the crow, while the Invader walked at her.

There wasn't much point in fighting it. Her attempts at throwing fireballs had resulted in the Invader laughing it off.

So her only hope was to get to the crow, while running from the invincible death-machine.

At one point, she had managed to fool the Phantom into falling into the room with the demon in it, but, as Taylor paused to catch her breath, the demons head was thrown out of the pit, followed by the Invader himself.

So the crow was a good plan.

Eventually, after the Invader cut off her arm, Taylor jumped off the cliff, the giant crow catching her as she fell.

Breathing a sigh in relief, Taylor turned back to look at the Red Phantom, who was stabbing into thin air for some rea-

Taylor's line of thought was cut off as she was Lagstabbed, her blood painting the crow bright red.

"Lol. Git Gud, Noob."


	6. Reunions are a Bitch

Maiden Rhea didn't know what to think.

She had just arrived in Firelink Shrine, and decided that she and her guards needed a rest before continuing their mission.

However, shortly after she had begun her afternoon prayers, she had heard a flapping of wings. Confused, the maiden turned, and came face to face with a Drake. After taking a moment to confirm that, yes, _a Drake was staring at her_, Rhea squealed and backed up against the wall, attempting to make herself look small.

It was in this state that Jack Slash found her in, when he came down from the Undead Parish.

"They have elevators here?" He asked. "Huh. More advanced then I thoug- Hey, what're you doing?"

"D-D-D-" Stuttered Rhea.

"What is it? Ducks? Do you have a phobia of Ducks or something?"

"Dragon!" Squealed the priestess.

Jack frowned. "Oh, is this a game?"

"W-what!"

"Dragons. Bah! What a ridiculous idea." Snorted Jack.

"B-but- It's right _there!_" Exclaimed Rhea, forgetting her terror for a moment. The Hellkite Dragon growled, and the maiden eeped.

Jack blinked. "Wow. You're a good actor."

"Are you _blind!"_ Whispered Rhea, as Solaire arrived from the second elevator, behind Jack.

"No. That's how I know that there is no dragon."

Solaire blinked in confusion, then waved at the Drake. The Hellkite Dragon waved back. Rhea's gave up.

"You know what? This is stupid, you're stupid, and I feel stupid just talking to you. I thought I might need rest before going to search the Catacombs, but I need my wits more, and being around you seems to drain me of them. I'm leaving."

Rhea stormed off, and her three protectors moved after her. Solaire watched them as they left.

"She seems like a nice person." He said.

That was when the giant crow swooped down from the heavens, and placed Taylor between Solaire and Jack.

Skitter sighed, before getting out of the mud that she had, once again, landed face-first into.

"Hey." Noted Jack. "You're back."

Solaire did a quick bow. "Hello, my lady. I assume that you know Noble Sir Jack?"

Taylor blinked. "Noble... Jack.?Heh... Hehehe... HehehHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jack did his best not to react as Taylor laughed like Bonesaw in a morgue on Christmas.

"Anyway!" He shouted after a moment, just before he gave into the urge to stab her. "This is Solaire. You said you wanted to talk to him earlier."

Taylor took a moment to finish laughing, before standing and turning to Solaire.

"I will assume that you have personal reasons for your outburst." Said the Warrior of Sunlight. "An inside joke, or a type of insanity, I shouldn't pry either way. What did you wish to speak about?"

Taylor decided against telling him about 'Noble Sir Jack' and his deeds. For now.

"Yes." Replied Taylor. "The Crestfallen Warrior said I should talk to you about alternate worlds?"

"Hm..." Said Solaire. "I'll tell you what I know, but I don't know that much. For more information, you should consult a scholar. Like Big Hat Logan."

Taylor paid rapt attention, while Jack decided to go meet his old archnemesis: The Graveyard,

Solaire cleared his throat. "Anyway, about alternate worlds: Time in Lordran is cultivated. Heroes from the far past and future phase in and out, and even alternate timeline cross with ours from time to time. A while ago, someone discovered that using the right materials- The Soapstones- Can let you leave signs in alternate worlds. While most of these signs are messages, you can use some of these to summon a Phantom to fight by your side, or even to fight against you."

Taylor raised her hand. "Um... Is there any worlds that have been seen this way that are completely unlike Lordran? Like, it has more technology, and the people there have never heard of anyone well-known from this one?"

"Not that I am aware of." Replied Solaire, and Taylor sighed.

"Back to square one..." Muttered Taylor, as Jack returned, carrying a Zweihander. "I guess it's time to go look for a scholar, then."

"We could try looking in Blighttown." Suggested Jack.

Solaire looked at Jack in confusion. "Why, by Gwyn, would a scholar go to Blighttown? Hell, why would _anyone _go to Blighttown?"

"Ring the Bells of Awakening?"

"Bells of what now?" Asked Taylor.

"Bells of Awakening." Replied Jack. "No idea what they do, just something to do while waiting for a way back home."

Solaire looked like he was going to ask a question, but decided against it.

"By the way, Skitter, you're hand is on fire."

Taylor shrugged. "I know. It's magic. Watch."

Taylor threw a fireball toward a nearby cliff. The wind picked up just in time to blow it into Jack's face.

"How come she gets working magic?" Jack asked, as Solaire threw a bucket of water at him. "I can't get this freaking Lightening Spear thing to work, but she can throw fireballs just fine."

"Have you tried Praising the Sun?" Asked Solaire.

"Yes." Replied Jack bitterly. "I tried that. For four hours. Straight. My arms still hurt."

"Try Attuning it?" Suggested Taylor. Jack looked at her, tilting his head.

"That's what the guy said." She explained. "You need to rest a Bonfire and read a scroll."

Solaire facepalmed. "Ah. Sorry. It's been so long since I Attuned, I forgot it was necessary."

He took out a scroll, and three it at Jack. "First line or so." He explained.

Jack unrolled the Scroll, and began reading. "Dear Diary, those meanies at school taunted me about my sun feti-"

"Wrong scroll! Wrong scroll!" Panicked Solaire, snatching it off of Jack. "Try this one."

Jack looked at the scroll, then back at Solaire. "Really?"

"What?"

Jack sighed. "Thunderbolts and lightening, very very frightening me."

Once he had finished reading, Jack stood up and looked towards the nearby cliff.

"This better fucking work." He said, making a throwing motion.

The Lightening Spear formed in his hand, and shot over the cliff, into the sky.

Jack grinned. "Yes!" He called. "Alright, off we go to ring these bells."


End file.
